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Katie Price purposely flashed her panties outside of a London club last night. I guess since she's getting a breast reduction, she figured she'd show off her vagina. Makes sense. But seriously, what is she even doing? Is there a toilet on that van or something and she really has to pee? Or is that a hemorrhoid donut – Holy shit, it is! Whiskey. I need whiskey now! Pour it in my eyes! Hold on, brain, liquor's coming! Don't stop pouring until I forget my name. If I try to dry-hump the coffee table, that means it's working. NOTE: What's that? Why yes, Katie Price is making out with her younger sister here.

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Katie Price purposely flashed her panties outside of a London club last night. I guess since she's getting a breast reduction, she figured she'd show off her vagina. Makes sense. But seriously, what is she even doing? Is there a toilet on that van or something and she really has to pee? Or is that a hemorrhoid donut – Holy shit, it is! Whiskey. I need whiskey now! Pour it in my eyes! Hold on, brain, liquor's coming! Don't stop pouring until I forget my name. If I try to dry-hump the coffee table, that means it's working. NOTE: What's that? Why yes, Katie Price is making out with her younger sister here. Katie Price purposely flashed her panties outside of a London club last night. I guess since she's getting a breast reduction, she figured she'd show off her vagina. Makes sense. But seriously, what is she even doing? Is there a toilet on that van or something and she really has to pee? Or is that a hemorrhoid donut – Holy shit, it is! Whiskey. I need whiskey now! Pour it in my eyes! Hold on, brain, liquor's coming! Don't stop pouring until I forget my name. If I try to dry-hump the coffee table, that means it's working. NOTE: What's that? Why yes, Katie Price is making out with her younger sister here.

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Eva Mendes was spotted leaving a private gym in West Hollywood yesterday. It’s been rumored she’s pregnant, and I believe it. That’s definitely a baby bump she’s hiding behind her purse. Of course, I generally leave observations like that to a real doctor. I’m just a guy who likes to lay around the house all day drinking beer in a lab coat. I tell my girlfriend I’m learning way more than I would at any old medical school. Though I think when I broke my arm the other day and poured Ny-Quil on it she knew something was up. I knew I should’ve used Pepto-Bismol.

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Eva Mendes was spotted leaving a private gym in West Hollywood yesterday. It’s been rumored she’s pregnant, and I believe it. That’s definitely a baby bump she’s hiding behind her purse. Of course, I generally leave observations like that to a real doctor. I’m just a guy who likes to lay around the house all day drinking beer in a lab coat. I tell my girlfriend I’m learning way more than I would at any old medical school. Though I think when I broke my arm the other day and poured Ny-Quil on it she knew something was up. I knew I should’ve used Pepto-Bismol. Eva Mendes was spotted leaving a private gym in West Hollywood yesterday. It’s been rumored she’s pregnant, and I believe it. That’s definitely a baby bump she’s hiding behind her purse. Of course, I generally leave observations like that to a real doctor. I’m just a guy who likes to lay around the house all day drinking beer in a lab coat. I tell my girlfriend I’m learning way more than I would at any old medical school. Though I think when I broke my arm the other day and poured Ny-Quil on it she knew something was up. I knew I should’ve used Pepto-Bismol.

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Lindsay Lohan is finished with snowboarder Riley Giles. She ditched him after the two had a tumultuous Thanksgiving weekend that ended with Lindsay drinking. A source for E! News talks about what went down:

On why Lindsay ditched Riley:
“She got tired of him pouting all the time.”

On why Riley was such a pouty bitch:
“It was fine when they were in Utah, just the two of them. But then they returned to L.A. and Lindsay was shooting a movie, photographers followed them everyone, she had meetings with this agent, that publicist, this director. His ego couldn’t take it.”

On why Lindsay’s friends weren’t impressed:
“They thought he was unsophisticated and told her she should have left him in Utah with his snowboard. He never paid. Yeah, we know Lindsay is the rich and famous one, but come on. Be the man once in a while!”

“Being the man” in my book actually means never paying for a date. So, kudos, Riley Giles, you’ve won my respect. Unfortunately, you can’t rub my respect on your genitals to make them stop burning. NASA’s already tried. In the meantime, they’re seeing if my raw sexuality can fuel rockets, but so far, it’s only managed to stop bullets and make female scientists suddenly feel the urge to wear a bikini. Okay, that last part was a joke. *laughs* Female scientists. Could you imagine?

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